can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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