Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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