You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
