the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
