I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
