when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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