what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
