so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
