she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
handjob tips. give me some.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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