Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
