matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
