so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
