Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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