Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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