I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My breasts were aching with rage.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
