i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
