im six kinds of drunk right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
