Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
