You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
