strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
