1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
