thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
