Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
