1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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