I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
