bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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