Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
