You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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