I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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