I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
