he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize