Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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