i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
