So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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