five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
