Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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