the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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