i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
