His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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