I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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