is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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