she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
