he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
