Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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