I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
