Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
