You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize