There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize