you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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