I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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