he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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