I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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