I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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