I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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