Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
