On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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