omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
