i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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