even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
