It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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