STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize