I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
