Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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