I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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