I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I touched a dick in church today
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
