There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
