fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize