he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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