found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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