I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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